The All Ireland Coziness Awards (who has claimed the most grants)

There’s a war being fought across Ireland. It’s not in the history books, and you won’t see it on the evening news. It’s a quiet, invisible conflict waged in the dead of night, on windy Tuesday afternoons, and during that weirdly cold snap in the middle of May. It’s a war fought with rolls of fibreglass, spray foam guns, and sternly-worded letters to the landlord.

This is the Great Irish Heat-Off. A battle against our ancient, invisible enemy: The Cold Bit That Gets In.

We all know it. It’s that phantom breeze that makes you question your life choices while you’re watching Gogglebox. It’s the icy floorboards that attack your bare feet on the way to the bathroom. It’s the existential dread of opening your gas bill after a particularly “fresh” January. For generations, we Irish have fought this enemy with a classic trinity of weapons: a bigger jumper, a hotter cup of tea, and the sheer power of complaint.

But complaining doesn’t actually stop the heat from escaping through your roof like a soul ascending to the heavens. And your house, my friend, is losing its soul. About 20-30% of it, right through the attic.

So, I started to wonder. In this nationwide struggle for thermal comfort, who is actually winning? Who is taking the fight to the enemy? Forget the All-Ireland Final. Forget who makes the best stew. Which Irish county is the undisputed, scientifically-proven champion of coziness?

To figure this out, I became a data goblin. I burrowed deep into the government catacombs, blew the dust off ancient spreadsheets from the Sustainable Energy Authority of Ireland (SEAI), and cross-referenced them with population data from the Central Statistics Office (CSO). I was looking for one thing: proof of action. Specifically, the number of homes in each county that have claimed SEAI grants to upgrade their insulation.

But just counting the total number of grants would be foolish. That’s a rookie mistake. Dublin, with its massive population, would win every time, even if 99% of its residents were still trying to plug draughts with old copies of the RTÉ Guide. No, we need a fairer metric. A system that levels the playing field between the bustling metropolis and the tranquil countryside.

We need to find the “Coziness Quotient.”

The Coziness Quotient is the number of insulation upgrades per 1,000 people. It’s not about who has the most people, but who has the highest proportion of people actively banishing the chill. It’s the only way to truly crown Ireland’s Coziest County.

So, grab a blanket and a fresh brew. The results are in. Things are about to get heated.

The Final Whistle: The Official 2023 All-Ireland Coziness Championship Table

The data has been crunched. The numbers have been verified by a team of highly-trained squirrels. And the final league table for the Great Irish Heat-Off is here. Below lies the definitive ranking of Irish counties, from the toastiest bastions of warmth to the… well, to the places that could probably do with a few more hats.

The metric, once again, is the Coziness Quotient (CQ): The number of SEAI home energy upgrades completed in 2023, per 1,000 people.

Let’s get to the results.

The Great Irish Heat-Off: Final Standings 2023

Longford – CQ: 18.23
Roscommon – CQ: 16.43
Leitrim – CQ: 14.61
Wexford – CQ: 14.39
Cavan – CQ: 14.07
Tipperary – CQ: 13.92
Offaly – CQ: 13.56
Carlow – CQ: 13.53
Westmeath – CQ: 12.89
Mayo – CQ: 12.82
Monaghan – CQ: 12.78
Laois – CQ: 12.56
Sligo – CQ: 12.02
Kerry – CQ: 11.66
Kilkenny – CQ: 11.58
Waterford – CQ: 11.33
Clare – CQ: 10.82
Donegal – CQ: 10.37
Limerick – CQ: 10.31
Cork – CQ: 10.15
Kildare – CQ: 9.38
Louth – CQ: 9.37
Wicklow – CQ: 9.31
Galway – CQ: 8.97
Meath – CQ: 7.79
Dublin – CQ: 6.81

There you have it. Let it sink in. In a stunning victory that has sent shockwaves through the insulation world, the undisputed, undefeated, heavyweight champion of coziness is… LONGFORD!

With a staggering Coziness Quotient of 18.23, the people of Longford are officially living in the toastiest homes in the nation. While others shiver, they are presumably lounging in tropical warmth, insulated from the harsh realities of the Irish climate. They didn’t just win; they dominated. They are the Brazil ’70 of B.E.R. ratings.

The podium is a masterclass from the midlands and the west. Roscommon takes the silver, proving that a healthy rivalry with their neighbours is the ultimate motivator for lagging the attic. Leitrim, another county that knows a thing or two about rain, proudly secures the bronze. It seems the heartland of Ireland is also the heat-land.

But the table tells more than one story. Look at the bottom. Oh, Dublin. The capital city, the economic engine of the country, the home of over a million souls, is officially the draughtiest county in Ireland. With a CQ of just 6.81, it’s less than half that of the top performers. We’ll dive into the “Dublin Question” later, but for now, the data is clear: the Pale is pale with cold.

The Provincial Showdown: A Game of Four Halves

Winning the All-Ireland is one thing, but local pride is everything. A quick look at the data reveals the provincial champions, the local heroes who are leading the charge against the chill in their corner of the island.

🏆 Leinster’s Champion of Coziness: Longford

This was never in doubt. Longford didn’t just win Leinster; it conquered Ireland. But the real story in the country’s most populous province is the sheer dominance of the midlands. The top five Leinster counties are Longford, Wexford, Offaly, Carlow, and Westmeath. Meanwhile, the commuter belt counties—Kildare, Louth, Wicklow, Meath, and Dublin—are all huddled together at the bottom of the national table. It seems the further you get from the Spire, the warmer your house is.

🏆 Munster’s Champion of Coziness: Tipperary

In a ferocious battle for southern supremacy, Tipperary emerges victorious. With a solid CQ of 13.92, the Premier County proves it’s premier in more than just hurling. It was a tight race, though, with Kerry, Kilkenny, and Waterford all putting in strong performances. The big surprise here is Cork. The Rebel County, despite its size and passion, finds itself second from the bottom in the province, just ahead of Limerick. A middling performance that won’t have Roy Keane purring with delight.

🏆 Connacht’s Champion of Coziness: Roscommon

You’d think a province famous for its dramatic, windswept coastline and horizontal rain would be the undisputed insulation capital of the world. And you’d be right. Connacht is, on average, the coziest province in Ireland. The charge is led by national runner-up Roscommon, with Leitrim and Mayo also finishing in the top 10 nationwide. They understand that a well-insulated home isn’t a luxury out west; it’s a survival mechanism. Sligo puts in a respectable showing, but Galway is the clear laggard, a surprising result for a city and county so full of innovation.

🏆 Ulster’s Champion of Coziness (The Republic of Ireland counties): Cavan

In the Ulster division of the Heat-Off, Cavan stands tall with an impressive CQ of 14.07, placing them 5th in the entire country. The Breffni County is clearly not messing about when it comes to comfort. Monaghan follows with a strong mid-table performance, while Donegal, despite its wild Atlantic weather, sits further down the rankings. It seems the hills of Donegal are trapping more than just the clouds.

The Pundit’s Corner: So, What The Hell Is Actually Going On?

Ranking counties is fun, but it’s the ‘why’ that’s really interesting. Looking at the data is like looking at the Matrix—at first, it’s just a cascade of numbers, but once you see the patterns, you can’t unsee them. So what’s driving these results?

A few theories come to mind.

1. The Rural-Urban Insulation Divide: The most glaring pattern is the utter dominance of rural counties. The top 13 counties on the list are all outside the Greater Dublin Area. This makes a certain kind of sense. Rural areas often have an older housing stock—charming farmhouses and bungalows that were, let’s be honest, built with the thermal efficiency of a sieve. The potential for improvement is massive. Conversely, cities like Dublin and Galway have a higher concentration of apartments and newer builds which, in theory, already meet higher standards. Still, that doesn’t fully explain Dublin’s position at the very bottom.

2. The Fuel Poverty Motivator: In areas with lower average disposable incomes, the price of heating oil and gas isn’t just an annoyance; it’s a major financial burden. The incentive to invest in a one-off insulation project that provides long-term savings is incredibly powerful. The SEAI grants, particularly the fully-funded schemes for those eligible, become less of a bonus and more of a lifeline. This could explain why counties in the midlands are so proactive. When every cent counts, you make sure none of it is leaking through your ceiling.

3. The “Keeping Up with the O’Neills” Effect: Never underestimate the power of social momentum. In smaller, tight-knit communities, when one person gets their house retrofitted, people notice. The van is outside. Pat from down the road mentions how his house has “never been warmer.” Suddenly, getting that attic insulation job done isn’t just a smart financial decision; it’s the thing to do. As one expert at a Dublin retrofit company explained, they often see a “cluster effect,” where one job in an estate leads to several more inquiries from neighbours. It’s a positive feedback loop of coziness.

4. The Bungalow Blitz: Many of the top-performing counties have a high proportion of single-story bungalows. These buildings, while lovely, have a massive roof area relative to their living space, making them prime candidates for heat loss. Insulating a bungalow’s attic yields a huge, immediate benefit that you can literally feel the next day. It’s a quick win, and the data suggests people are chasing it.

The Form Guide: Underdogs, Reigning Champs, and Fallen Giants

A single year’s result is a snapshot, but true greatness is about consistency. To find the real titans of thermal efficiency, I dug up the data from 2018. By comparing the past with the present, we can see who the true “Reigning Champions” are, who the plucky “Underdogs” are, and if any “Fallen Giants” have lost their way.

👑 Reigning Champions: Roscommon & Tipperary

Some counties are just built different. Both Roscommon and Tipperary were in the top tier back in 2018, and they’ve held their positions with authority in 2023. They are the Kilkenny of Coziness, the Manchester United of Mineral Wool. They have a deep-rooted culture of not wanting to be cold, and it shows. This isn’t a recent trend for them; it’s a dynasty.

🚀 The Underdog Story: Longford

This is the story of the championship. Back in 2018, Longford’s performance was… fine. Respectable. Middle of the road. But between then and now, something changed. They launched a blistering, multi-year campaign of insulation that has seen them rocket to the top of the table. Their per-capita upgrade rate has surged, leaving everyone else in their wake. It’s the Leicester City story of the Great Irish Heat-Off, a true triumph of the will to be warm.

📉 Fallen Giants: Clare & Kilkenny

It’s tough at the top. Back in 2018, both Clare and Kilkenny were coziness powerhouses, sitting comfortably near the top of the rankings. In 2023, while their performance is still credible (both are in the top 15), they’ve been overtaken by the soaring ambition of the midlands. They haven’t gotten worse, but the competition has gotten a lot hotter. They’ll need a big pre-season to reclaim their former glory.

Why This Ridiculous, Made-Up Competition Actually Matters

Okay, we’ve had our fun. We’ve crowned a champion and poked fun at the chilly capital. But behind this silly framework is a serious point. The decision to properly insulate your home is one of the single most impactful choices you can make.

Think of your uninsulated attic as a giant, invisible hole in your roof. All the expensive heat you generate during the winter? Woosh. Straight out the top. It’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. You can keep pouring more water (or in this case, money via your gas bill) in, but you’re fighting a losing battle.

Getting proper attic insulation is like plugging that hole. Suddenly, the heat stays where it’s supposed to be: in your living room. Your boiler doesn’t have to work as hard. Your home stays warmer for longer. Your energy bills drop. It’s not magic; it’s just basic physics that most of us have been ignoring for far too long.

And the feeling is sublime. It’s the end of the “mystery draught.” It’s the joy of walking barefoot in February. It’s the quiet satisfaction of knowing you’re not just heating the local crow population. Beyond your own comfort and your own wallet, you’re also doing a solid for the planet. Every litre of oil you don’t burn is a puff of CO2 that doesn’t go into the atmosphere. It’s a small, personal act with a genuinely global consequence. It turns your home from a climate problem into a climate solution.

The Dublin Question: A Capital of Cold?

We have to talk about Dublin. Dead last. It’s not a good look for the capital. But why is it so far behind?

The city faces a unique set of challenges. Firstly, there’s a huge rental population. When you don’t own your home, convincing a landlord to invest in a major upgrade like insulation can be an uphill battle, even with grants available. Secondly, the housing stock is incredibly diverse. You have modern apartments next to Victorian townhouses and 1950s council estates. A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work. The logistics of getting attic insulation in Dublin can be more complex, especially in terraced houses or apartment blocks.

But these are challenges, not excuses. With the highest average disposable income in the country, the financial barriers should be lowest in Dublin. There’s a huge opportunity for the capital to climb the table. It requires a concerted effort from homeowners, landlords, and tenants to recognise that a warm, energy-efficient home is a fundamental upgrade, not a luxury. Maybe seeing their county at the bottom of the Coziness Championship will be the wake-up call Dublin needs. The gauntlet has been thrown down by Longford. Your move, Dublin.

Your Personal All-Ireland Final

The Great Irish Heat-Off of 2023 is over. Longford wears the crown. The midlands have proven to be the furnace of the nation, while the capital has some soul-searching to do.

But the national competition is just a bit of fun. The only league table that truly matters is your own. How does your home stack up? Are you living in a champion-level cocoon of warmth, or are you fighting a losing battle against the elements every winter?

You don’t have to live in a sieve. You don’t have to accept outrageous heating bills as a fact of life. You can join the champions. You can plug the hole in your roof, keep the warmth in, and tell the Cold Bit That Gets In to go bother someone else.

Whether you’re in Dublin or Donegal, it’s time to declare your own home a Cozy Republic.

Ready to get your own home into championship shape? If you’re tired of losing the war on draughts, check out how you can get top-tier attic insulation in Dublin and finally claim your own coziness title. Start your campaign here:
👉 https://retrofitdublin.ie/attic-insulation-dublin